Losing Hope
by LGBTaccepter
Summary: Ever since the death of Johnny Cade and Dallas Winston, life just hasn't been the same for Ponyboy Curtis. One night Ponyboy looks to the dark side and attempts suicide. Will this finally bring the gang together? Or further apart? *WARNING: SUICIDE CUSSING*
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1- The Attempt

 **Alright! This is not only my first fanfiction, but my first time on this app as well! I hope that you guys enjoy the story! I will be posting again very soon! Please Enjoy and Review!**

Ponyboy's POV:

When I walked up to the school I was suddenly stopped by someone calling my name.

"Ponyboy! Ponyboy!" An unfamiliar voice called. I searched my surroundings to put a face to the voice and was soon met face to face with a Soc and a couple of his friends.

"What?" I mumbled, wishing I could get out of this situation.

"We just wanted to see how the little baby was holding up?" The mimicked me and earned laughter amongst the group. I only rolled my eyes and continued to walk up the stairs, not wanting any trouble. But they pulled on my shoulder, causing me to turn around.

"I don't want to talk to you." I gritted through my teeth.

"Oh, he's getting fiesty. You wanna fight little greaser? Come on, hit me." He pointed to his cheek with a smile. I tightened the grip of a fist but quickly released it to calm myself. I let out a long sigh and ignored him, continuing to walk up the steps.

"You know your friend Johnny? And that other one Dally?" I stopped in my tracks. I didn't bother to turn around, I didn't plan on talking, I only stood there still, and listened, "Well they deserved to die. Little shits couldn't do nothing right as a measly greaser." He yelled at me as I felt him coming closer. The anger inside me boiled like never before. I so badly wanted to punch him, but I settled for something more calming.

"Go to hell." I told him as I began to walk off. But I was stopped when a rough hand gripped my shoulders and pulled me back. I closed my eyes out of fear. Due to this choice I had no idea what was going on. I felt punches and kicks come against my sides, legs, and a few to the head. Suddenly it stopped and I heard a teacher's voice.

"Get off that kid!" He barked and the relief of no pain flowed over me, but so did the sores. I groaned in pain as I felt someone kneel beside me and place his hand on my shoulder, "You alright kid?" He asked me in his gruff voice.

I finally opened my eyes to see an older man with a rough beard and a slightly tan skin. His clothing was formal and so was his touch. His eyes were concerning and filled with empathy.

"Ya, I'll be fine." I told him, I wasn't convincing myself nor him, but I couldn't honestly answer to him or myself.

"Let's get you to the Nurse." He said helping me up, I dusted off my jeans and started to pick up my stuff.

"Nah, I'll be fine. I don't want to be late for class." I rejected his offer and hurried to my first class before be could refuse to accept my answer. I didn't bother looking at anyone, I'm sure the story of the wimpy kid getting beat up and saved by a teacher has already spread around the classroom. So I rushed to my seat and sat down in it wishing I was somewhere else. Anywhere else but here. But wishing can only do so much in reality.

I was lucky, the bell rang before anyone could get over to me and my safe bubble of quietness. The teacher, Mrs. Jones, walks into class with her red slim dress and cat like glasses. Her hair is a brown messy ponytail and the sound of her heels hitting the floor filled the room. All eyes were magically on hers. She started to right something on the board. In big bold leaders it read, "CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT" She then placed the chalk down and looked at everyone.

"What is, character development?" She asked the class, a few hands excluding mine shot into the air. She called on a Soc in the second row, "James?" I recognized him, the same Soc who called me out only seconds ago and beat on me. But I let the grudge go simply for education purposes.

"When a character changes over the course of the story from bad to good." Most of us nodded in agreement.

"Would you all agree with that?" Mrs. Jones asked the class, I quickly raised my hand in disagreement.

"Ponyboy?" She asked for my opinion.

"I wouldn't say it has to be good to bad. A character could be good from beginning to end, I guess it just changes the characters thought process and choices. Opens a new door and offers light to a character. Or it could be the exact opposite. It all depends." I answered proudly.

"Excellent job." She applauded me as I earned a devilish look from James, "As an assignment I want you guys to write two paragraphs that show some type of character development."

Multiple people, including myself, wrote down notes to remind ourselves. She explained to us the assignment as we wrote down the receive information.

"Any questions?" She asked, I raised my hand, "Yes?"

"Does it have to include character from a real book or real life?" I asked.

"No, it may all be made up if you'd like. The rules are up to you." She smiled with an answer and nodded at my question, "Any other questions?" The reply came as silence.

"Can Horseman ever learn to shut his mouth?" I heard James mutter low enough so that Mrs. Jones couldn't hear. This remark earned a roar of laughter amongst the class. I simply sunk into my seat.

"What was that James?" Mrs. Jones asked him, tipping her glasses.

"Nothing Ma'am. I was only thinking out loud." He lied a confession.

"What what were you questioning? We may be able to help." Her attempt at helping only earned more laughter.

"No no no, I've already figured it out." He smiled and received a decent amount of chuckles.

"Alright, now I want everyo-" I zoned Mrs. Jones out when the boy next to me, Mark, handed me a paper, a note! We were passing notes!? I've always wanted to do this.

I mouthed a 'From Who?' And he pointed to James with a smile. Oh no, this could never be good.

I very carefully opened the paper to find a very terrible drawing of a sentitaur as a way to mimick my name as 'Horseman' and the words, "DO THE WORLD A FAVOR AND KILL YOURSELF" I frowned at the letter and was distracted by a flashing color. I looked around and saw that James had took a picture of me. Great, just amazing. Of course he has a camera. In class! He's rich.

I crumbled up the paper and threw it away, I decided to start listening to the lesson on my way back.

"One might say Robert Fro-" But I ended up interrupting her on accident when James held out his foot in front of me and tripped me. I fell face first to the hard concrete floor. The sound of marble screetching filled the room along with the loudest laughter of the day. Even Mrs. Jones showed a little chuckle. Out of shear embarrassment I quickly rushed back to my seat and hid my head.

"Aww, did Ponyboy get a boo boo?" James mocked as kids laughed.

"Alright alright, that's enough. Back to the lesson." But I once again didn't listen to the lesson I was too overwhelmed with embarrassment. I didn't even bother looking Mrs. Jones in the face. So for the rest of the class I stayed like that, quiet and introverted. It was the only method I knew that worked better than the others. Now that doesn't mean it always worked, it was just the best.

Once I heard the bell ring I gathered my stuff and hopped out of my seat so quickly that I was the first one out. I then rushed to the boys locker room to prep for gym. I thought that if I was there early, no one would bother me. So once I reached my locker I calmed down and slowed my breath. I finally took a second to settle in and went to open my locker. As I opened the cold metal container a small note fell out. It landed face up on the floor and I carefully read it.

"KILL YOURSELF PLEASE"

It must have been from James. I sighed and picked it up. I slowly crumbled it and grew sickened by his pleasure in my torture. I threw it away and went back to my locker. I wish that for one day, he would leave me alone. But speak of he devil in he walks with his typical gang. I tried to ignore him.

"What do you want James?" I asked harsher than I should.

"Just wanted to check up on ya bud." He lied.

"Asshole." I told him loud and clear.

"Hey hey hey, your brothers wouldn't like that language now would they. Then again, they don't even care about you." He made a fake crying sad face with his hands as I sighed, "You're just another problem." He gritted at me as I continued to attempt to calm myself, "Come on, you have to realize it by now. You cause soooo much stress. Soda had to drop out because of you! And Darry works two jobs! Wow, now look at who's the ass." He pushed at me with so much cruelty I felt like crying right then and there, but I didn't. I held it all back.

"Come on James, I think that's enough." One of his friends tried to plead.

"Oh No, I'm only getting started." I felt James smirk, "They just see you as another mouth to feed." He whispered at me to bother me.

"Come in Ja-" His friend attempted once more.

"A mistake."

"Ja-" Again.

"A problem."

"James, sto-" He gave up

"Because one day, you'll end up just like your petty little parents and die too too young. And you know what?" There was a moment of silence where no one said anything, "No one. Will Fucking. Care." He whispered into my ear as he slowly backed away. I struggled hard to keep back long held tears.

I slammed my locker shut with a loud bang and fought back the urge to turn around to beat the tar out of him right now, but as I said, I didn't. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, I couldn't take it. I couldn't take it anymore. I rushed out of not only the locker room, but the school as well. I ran out of the school, escaped it, and headed straight for home. I ran faster than I ever had before. I felt the wind gently push against me as my legs stiffly carried me to my home. The run took only 15 minutes but I soon was there. Out of breath as well. And then I realized that going home wouldn't help me. No one was here to help me. I would be all alone. Then again, it was better than being at school. So finally relaxing my muscles, I walked up to the house and entered into its safety. I walked to my room and laid on my bed, finally feeling calm. I was so tired from my experience that my eyes dropped tiredly and I soon fell into a dark sleep.

* * * * * *

I soon awoke peacefully. It was still light outside so I must've lost track of time but not slept that long. I gently got up and wiped my eyes. I had planned on walking into the living room to see what time it was but after exiting my room I was met with a calm Soda and a very angry Darry.

"Uh, hey." I greeted awkwardly.

"Where were you?" Darry asked me harshly.

"In my room?" I said smartly.

"I mean at school you smart ass." Darry cussed at me.

"I had to leave." I explained simply, leaving out everything important.

"And why is that? Do you think you can just skip?" Darry was yelling at me now.

"Some kids were making fun of me. And Mom and Dad!" I yelled back.

"That gives you not a damn reason to leave school. You ignore them!" He yells at me.

"It's hard to." I lower my voice, feeling tears swell in my eyes. I look over at Soda for help but he only shakes his head.

"You think Soda is gonna side with this one? Oh we already talked." Darry confirmed my thinking.

"Pony, you can't do shit like this!" Soda was yelling at me. Soda. My brother that I trusted with everything. Yelling at me? What was going on? Did they not understand what I had been through! I let loose and felt the hot tears stain my cheeks.

"Really? Do you guys not know what happened today?!" I scream at them.

"Well neither do you because you weren't there for half of it!" Darry yelled back at me.

"Oh my God!" I semi groan and yell, rolling my eyes. I was sick of Darry always jumping on my case. I had just lost two best friends and a while back my parents. Did he not understand? They were his parents too. His friends too.

"I'm sure you'd love to use that attitude when a social worker comes 'round." Soda argued with me.

"A social worker? Really? Since when do you care?" I argue with Soda, "I bet both of you would loooove it if I were taken away from you. Wouldn't you?" I yell at them.

"Well if that's what you want you we might as well call them now. Say our brother is too much of an ass to care anymore and we don't want him." Darry yelled at me.

"Fine! I don't care!" I yelled with a few tears.

"You should! Do you know what we do for you! We give up everything for you! And you just throw it all away! As if we mean nothing!" Soda yelled at me.

"It doesn't matter how long you work! What matter is whether or not you make me feel loved and important. And y'all are doing one hell of a job!" I argued with him and he was taken aback.

"I can't. I'm done." Darry left the room by exiting the house and jumping into his car. I quickly heard the car drive away and I was left with Soda.

"I hope your happy. All you seem to do is cause trouble." He gritted through his teeth and leaves the house as well, more than likely going to fetch Steve or catch Darry. So I was left alone in this house that no longer felt like home.

I didn't know what to do. Everything seemed to be falling apart. Darry was harder on me. Soda and I weren't as close. Steve never liked me in the first place. And Two-Bit just never was sentimental with me. He didn't care enough to look out for me like I wished for. And Cherry moved, she moved a while back and I haven't seen her since. It's not like I can hang with Randy, there are rumors that go around school that say I only hang out with people so I can "get it on" with them. Which is a lie, I just want to hang, some friends. I sighed and laid back on the couch. I want to make things better, but all I can seem to do is make things worse. I roughly placed my hands down and suddenly felt hot. Thinking it would help, I took off my jacket. Too my surprise something fell out of my hood. A piece of paper. Then I thought back to when James was harrassing me in the locker room. I didn't bother facing him. He must've slipped something into my hood. I gently gripped onto the paper and unfolded it with care. There, in James's all too familiar handwriting, were the words I hated hearing from him.

"DO THE WORLD A BIG FAVOR AND KILL YOURSELF" It read. Instead of crumbling it up I ran my fingers over the words. I took in a deep breath and harshly let it out. I was considering taking James's advice. I was failing all my classes. I had no friends at school. Socially, I was just downgrading every day. I seem to only cause trouble with Soda and Darry. Having them run out and me and each other. Maybe they did love me. I'm sure they did. But they can still love me in heaven. It would be easier. I would always be happy, they wouldn't struggle financially, and nothing could stop them from loving me. It also wouldn't matter to the kids at school, it's what they want. So now all I had to do was find out a way to do it and write a note.

I walked into the bedroom I shared with Soda and walked over to my desk. I gently sat down and pulled out a paper and pen. I made sure there were no creases and easy to see. I wrote with my best handwriting.

 _Darry and Soda,_

 _I'm sorry for skipping today. It was a stupid decision. So I've decided to make one that counts. Don't go off blaming yourselves for MY choice. Overall, you did nothing. You only tried to take care of me. But I seem to be breaking down, and taking everyone else with me. I've tried to fix things, but ironically it seems to only get worse. I'm not doing well in school and to be honest, I'm getting bullied really bad. I've been taking all of this stress and putting it on you guys, I can't let this to continue. I've decided to end all the pain and confusion for everyone. So don't miss me when I am gone, because that's not what I want you to do. I want you to make the best of your lives. Trust me, I'm making the right decision, I will be happy. I'll also get to see Johnny, Dally, Mom, and Dad. I'll be happier than I've ever been. So, I guess it's goodbye for now. I'll be watching over you, don't worry. I love you._

 _Ponyboy_

I sighed at the letter and read over it once more, checking for spelling errors. Once I felt like it was good enough I placed it neatly on the desk and put the pen away. I then slowly walked to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. I decided on the Advil. If I take the whole bottle that might as well do it. But after shaking it I found that only a few pills were left. I sighed and angirly threw them into the cabinet. I then walked into the kitchen and grabbed a knife. This would have to do. I didn't like pain, but I was too afraid of guns to shoot myself and we didn't have any rope, so a knife would have to do. I carefully examined it and watched as the light dressed over it. So I walked back to the bathroom and placed it on the toliet. I then started to run a bath. While I waited for it to fill the tub I realized I never made a note for Two-Bit. I didn't want to bother with Steve, but Two-Bit didn't do anything wrong. So I figured I'd call him. It was the least I could do. Plus, there was nothing he could do to stop me. So I walked over to the phone and dialed his phone number. He immediately answered.

"Hey?"

"Hey Two-Bit, it's Ponyboy." I sighed.

"Oh, hey Pony. What do you need?" He asked.

"I just wanted to say bye." I informed him and I could feel his confusion.

"Why? Where you going kid?" He almost laughed but knew it was too serious to laugh.

"I better place I guess." I answered giving him small answers.

"What do you mean? You ain't doing anything stupid are ya? Soda and Darry are over here if you wa-"

"No," I cut him off, "I'm fine. I'm just gonna...leave."

"What do you mean?" I sighed as he asked.

"It'll be better for everyone." I informed him.

"Ponyboy Curtis what the HELL are you doing!?" He yelled at me.

"Goodbye Two-Bit. I'll say Hi to Johnny and Dally for you." And with saying that I hung up.

By the time I reached the bath tub it was already full, so I turned the faucet off and very gently placed my body into the water. I gave myself around five minutes to adjust to the water. It took a while because it felt weird having clothes on while in the water. I was considering waiting a few more minutes to adjust when suddenly I heard the front door slam open. I knew, that it was now or never. I grabbed the knife and placed position. I heard who I assumed to be Two-Bit, Soda, and Darry rush into my room. And then a moment of silence, they were probably reading the note. I took this time to make my move. I very scarecly ran the knife down my left arm. The cold metal against my skin felt extrusiating at the touch but after I pulled the knife away, it felt better. I watched as the blood poured from my forearm and I shakily moved the knife to my over hand and did the same to my right hand. After finishing I heard a banging on the bathroom door that I had locked.

"Pony!?! Ponyboy!!! Ponyboy open this door!" I heard Darry yell and bang the door louder. I only ignored him as I relaxed in the tub and allowed myself to bleed out. I didn't feel like I was slipping away right now, but soon, I knew I would . No more than 30 seconds into banging on the door I heard Darry kick it down. The door hinges broke off as he slammed the door open and all three friends rushed over to me. I wasn't unconscious, or dead for that matter, but I sure as hell was weak.

"Oh My God!" Soda exclaimed as he put his hands over his mouth. Darry acted opposite of Soda and held me into his arm and pulled me out of the tub.

"Two-Bit get me a towel." Darry ordered, but Two-Bit was in shock, "KEITH MATTHEWS A TOWEL PLEASE!" Darry yelled and Two-Bit quickly grabbed a towel as Darry covered my arms, allowing the towels to absorb my blood.

"Oh honey, what have you done?" Darry shook his head and very careful held me in his arms. I was too weak to respond. My eyes only slowly followed everyone as they did what they had to.

"Two-Bit can you call an ambulance?" Darry asked and Two-Bit immediately head for the phone and called for help. Darry and Soda went to tending me. I was expressionless but kept my eyes open.

"That's right, stay awake for us baby." Soda attempted to soothe me but too many tears flooded down his cheek.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry." Darry apologized, now he was crying.

"Please stay Pony, come on." Soda was bawling by now, but both brothers quickly wiped their tears away when Two-Bit came in.

"An ambulance will be here in 2 minutes at the latest, they said keep him awake." Two-Bit informed as he kneeled down to me as well, "Is he responsive?"

"No. But he's awake." Darry said, he was at least happy about that. I then felt Two-Bit smooth back my hair.

"You know, you never did dye you hair back to brown kid." He smiled as I awarded him with a half smile and was faint but noticable. And then I saw something I've never seen before in my life. Two-Bit Matthews was crying. It wasn't anything hard as sobbing like, but a few tears escaped his face, "It's funny." He drew a quivering breath, "You aren't even blood related to me, but you feel so much like a brother." He smiled at me with so much meaning, "I guess I took advantage of that feeling." He frowned at the realization and I then knew, I had made a mistake. This wasn't what I wanted to do. I wanted to stay.

"It's...O-Ok..." I choked out and earned a group of smiles from everyone at my voice. I started to cry as well, not sob, but cry. I had made the biggest mistake of my life, something I couldn't fix. No matter what happened, everything would change. Whether I made it or not.

"Now you stay right here kid, cause I've got some Math homework I really need some help with." Two-Bit smiled at me and Soda added on.

"And I've got this new book I saw that I know you'll love." Soda smiled.

"And you still owe me a game of football." Darry added on with a smile and I instantly felt more loved than I ever had before.

"I...love...you...guys..."I spurted out as I fell into a deep dark sleep and relaxed in Darry's arms.

 **And that's the end of the first chapter! I hope you liked it! Expect more posts coming soon! Please Review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey Guys! Sorry it took me so long to update, been quite busy recently! I'll try to update again if people seem to enjoy this!**

Chapter 2-Survivng?

Two-Bit's POV:

"I...love...you...guys..." Pony coughed from his obviously weak soul before laying limp into Darry's arms. His eyes shut and his breathing slow, I swear I've never seen the kid so pale before.

"No no no no Pony! No! Wake up!" Darry exclaimed gently shaking Pony. I only covered my mouth and held back tears as I watched. I don't want to watch my best friend die right in front of me, but what else can I do right now?

To my satisfaction the paramedics rushed into the scene we portrayed and removed us from the area. They pulled us all away as we attempted to watch from the kitchen, but not getting much. We all watched at the carried Pony out and shouting medical terms I have yet to understand. I bet Pony understood them, he's smart like that. One paramedic stood behind.

"One of you can ride with him." They informed.

"I will." Soda immediately stood up.

"I will Soda. When Pony wakes up, if he's met face to face with you or Darry, he'll freak. Think you're mad at him for what he did." I argued but that was all it took the convince Sodapop and Darrel Curtis. I walked out with the tall linky man and climbed onto the rough metaled ambulance. I sat and watched at they tended to my friend.

"Severe hypovolemia on both the right and left forearms!" One called.

"35 beats per minute and dropping!" Another announced.

"Tell the surgeons to prep at least 3 pints of blood! He's already lost two!" I heard someone yell as an order.

"Can we get an oxygen mask on him!?" One asked almost too harshly.

"On it." One responded and in a second Ponyboy had a plastic breathing mask over his mouth and nose.

"Jenkins, remove those towels and wrap his forearms with a temporary sterile gauze!" One ordered as a female doctor did as the instructions said.

"What antifibrinolytic medicines do we currently have?" The one who seemed to be in charge asked.

"Aprotinin and TXA!" One responded.

"Get me a cannula and a pint of TXA!" He ordered and within 10 seconds he had what he wanted and was transferring the liquid into Pony's left arm, "How that heart beat looking?"

"30 beats per minute!" He announced. It only seemed to be dropping.

"Sir he's shown signs of chronic orthostatic hypotension, should we inject him with some orvaten?" One asked.

"Yes, right away thank you." The one in charge answered quickly.

"Sir he's bleeding through the gauze!" The woman panicked.

"Then put pressure on it so he doesn't damnit!" The man yelled back as she did as she was told.

"How's that heart beat Louis?" He asked.

"Still 30 beats per minute." He said sadly but happy that it hadn't dropped.

"Jenkins remove those gauze and put on new ones." He ordered frantically.

"Doing that now." She obeyed.

"Blood pressure of 90 over 45!" Someone I've yet to learn the name for called. I only know Louis, Jenkins, and Sir. There is only one more guy and I've yet to learn his name, but I'm assuming they're going by last names.

"Then get some more orvaten into him!" Sir ordered, I didn't know his name, but Sir would work.

"Sir his eyes are fluttering!" One announced and I thought to myself that Pony was waking up. To my surprise and correcting my thoughts, he did. He suddenly opened his eyes and gasped for air. His eyes frantically searched the room.

"Young Man you are currently inside a moving ambulance, we ask that you stay calm while we try to help you. You are going to be just fine." The woman said calmly.

"But I-" He cut himself off when he saw me.

"All that we ask is that you do not speak or move and stay awake." She said kindly.

"Inject him with lidocaine to prevent affliction!" Sir ordered and Louis did so. Pony only winced but I could tell he was too tired to move. He glanced over at me and our eyes met. Man was I scared for the kid. Since he wasn't aloud to talk I decided to keep my mouth shut as well. But, to calm him, I cracked him a smile and he seemed to relax. He then laid his head down and allowed his body to relax.

"Sir we have 45 beats per minute!" The unknown one announced happily.

"And the blood pressure?" Sir asked.

"100 over 65." Louis responded.

"Better but not satisfactory." Sir added as they injected Pony with something I was oblivious to understanding.

Before I could listen to their intruging conversation, the vehicle came to an abrupt stop as they wheeled Pony out quickly and I watched. I rushed off the vehicle and inside the large hospital building. They weren't going to allow me into surgery, obviously, so I sat in the waiting room and silently complensated what had just happened.

One of my best friends, Ponyboy Curtis, had tried to kill himself. I didn't understand. Of course I read his letter as to why, but I thought he knew better than this to just give up. Pony is a fighter, why didn't he fight harder? He just doesn't give up like that. Whatever those kids were doing at school to him, it must've been real bad for him to do this. Why would anyone bully Pony? He literally saved a shit ton of kids from dying! Not only that but he was the smartest person I know, not to mention kindest as well. He was always looking out for others, and when I say always, I mean always. He put others before himself. I guess through all the helping of others, he forgot to help himself. I feel bad for not noticing the signs. He wasn't as social when we were all together. He didn't talk is what I mean. He seemed distant and less focused. He seemed to drag his feet while he walked, as if it pained him to walk. To move. To function. To...live. Why didn't I see it? How could I be so blinded by all my half assed jokes to not notice my best friend was dying on the inside. I should have talked to him, manned up and done what was right. But there's no turning back now, what is done is done, and we can't change the past, but we sure as hell can plan for the future.

Throughout my thinking I bounced my knee eagerly. Knowing that Soda and Darry would soon be here and not long after we'd get the news on Pony. I looked over to my right to see that a kid around Pony's age sitting right next to me. But since Pony skipped a grade, I'm assuming they were in the same grade, but that depends on whether or not this guy skipped or was held back or even at all. Either way, I thought I'd start conversation, but he beat me to it.

"You nervous?" He asked kindly.

"Hell ya I am." I almost chuckled at my answer.

"Who ya waiting for?" He asked.

"A close friend, attempted suicide." I choked on my answer and he frowned, "What about you?"

"Got in a car crash," he lifted up his shirt to show the white bandage that wrapped around his waist, "Broke a few ribs, that's all. I'm just waiting for the news on my friend. Is your friend's parents gonna be here?" I almost winced at his question.

"No, his parents actually, um, died around a year ago." I answered softly.

"Hmm, that's sad. I actually have a kid in a couple of my classes that lost his parents. The two should meet up." He semi joked and offered, I glanced him a smile back.

"So who are your friends, I might know 'em." I asked.

"Rachel Bollo and Kaden Harley. Whose your friend?" He asked.

"Oh um, I don't know if I really should say, you might know him considerin' you look 'bout his age." I explained for the sake of the Curtis's.

"Fair enough, can I ask you something about it though?" He asked again.

"Sure, I guess." I relaxed a bit.

"Why'd he do it?" He asked confused.

"Kid was getting bullied a lot at school." I frowned realizing I wasn't there for him at school, although I wish I were now was no time to sorrow.

"Oh..." He sighed and lost the glisten in his eyes. I was confused as to whether it wasn't the answer he was looking for or he was hurt. I decided to go with a mixed approach.

"Hey, you alright?" I asked.

"Ya, it's just that there was this kid at school I've been pickin' on for the past few months. I said some pretty harsh things and now I kinda wish I could take it back. Ya know? Like just go up and help 'em." He sighed and I knew he felt guilty. I decided I'd help, after what happened with Pony, I wanted to make sure that happened to no one else.

"I could fetch him one day for ya? Keep an eye out on him." I offered.

"I'd like that." He smiled.

"What's the little rats name?" I joked.

"Don't laugh, he's got a pretty crazy name." He smiled.

"I won't. Can't be anything worse then two brothers I know." I said thinking about Ponyboy and Sodapop, after hearing those names, nothing could possible be worse.

"Alright, you'll have to tell me their names afterwards," he smiled and I smiled back, "His name is, um... Ponyboy Curtis." He looked up at me and it took a second to realize and put two and two together. The whole time I was talking to the kid who broke Ponyboy to the point of suicide. He was the reasons none of our lives would go back. He hated my best friend so much that he pushed him to end his fucking life. I only stared at him with cold hard eyes and he slowly faded his smile confused. I took in a breath, realizing I couldn't lash out on him now. That wouldn't be right. He wanted to make things better. If only he had wanted this sooner. I sighed out heavily and shoot my head.

"You didn't..." I sighed and shook my head no.

"W-Why? What's wrong?" He stammered.

"The kid I'm waiting for, the one who tried to kill himself, is Ponyboy Curtis." I breathed out.

The kid was took so much aback that he had to catch his breath for a second. He looked at me and in denial shook his head no but I shook mine yes to clarify this nightmare. To my surprise tears started to swell up in his eyes and he drew a breath so shaking I could hear an earthquake in his chest.

"I'm too late. I'm took late. I messed up. I fucking messed up." He shook his head at himself and I patted his back to comfort him, "Don't touch me! Why would you want to touch me?! I'ma fucking monster! I'm a murderer." He whispered the last part and let tears fly out of his eyes.

"Hey, you said you wanted to make things right, correct?" I asked him gently. He nodded his head yes, "You still can."

"How?! He's in the hospital! Dying for all I know?" He exclaimed.

"You can make sure you don't do it again." I whispered and and a snap of realization hit him hard. He seemed to calm down a bit and I removed my hand.

"You're not mad?" He asked me.

"Oh no, I'm fucking pissed, but I can't live hating you for a mistake you realized. Maybe too late but you did realize it by yourself." I assured him and he nodded, "As for his brothers, you better sit on the other side of the room and act like we never spoke or they'll skin you alive. If they ask you about Ponyboy you say nothin' and if they offer you to come back say you still hurtin' from that crash." I explained the plan to him and he nodded.

"Thanks...uh..." He searched for a name to put to a face.

"Keith Matthews. But go by Two-Bit." I corrected him and held out my hand.

"James." He took my hand firmly and shook it with one motion. In a matter of a second he was on the other side of the room, sitting in a chair, relaxing. We didn't bother to make eye contact. So I sat ther for a few minutes before Soda and Darry came rushing in and ran over to me. I stood up as they ran over to where I was.

"Any news on him?" Darry puffed out, he was exhausted.

"Nothing." I replied sadly. We all sighed and took our seats. We sat there quietly and simply waited. But all that really mattered at that point, was that we were together. We had already lost two members of our gang, actually, we aren't a gang, we're a family. So, technially, we lost two brothers. We went from a family of 7 whole men! To 5 broken kids. I wished we could take our friends back, but wishing can only do so much. The point was, we weren't ready to go down to a family of 4, that wasn't the point of a family. A family is supposed to gradually grow, not randomly fall apart. But whether or not we would be a family of 5 or 4 all was going to be determined the moment I saw the Doctor walked through the door.

"Relations to Ponyboy Curtis?" He asked and we all stood up.

"How is he?" Soda asked eagerly.

"Well, he has lost an excessive amount of blood. If you weren't aware, the function of blood to is transfer oxygen to the internal organs. Since he was prevented oxygen into those lungs he went into organ failure. But I am glad to inform you that after a few blood transfusions he is steadily recovering from the failure. We stitched up the cuts and have wrapped them. We will have the stitches in for around 9 days or so, now he will have a permanent scar of both wrist due the to the depth of the cut. But nothing should affect the function of his wrists, he might lose feeling in them for a few weeks to a couple months, but nothing on the long term scale. We have him on articaine as of right now, which is numbing medicine, and temazepan, which is causing him to become drousy and sleepy, he should be asleep by now, but if you hurry you might be able to catch him before he dozes off. Once he does he'll be asleep for anywhere from 6 hours to 10." He informed us with a smile. We thanked him hurriedly and rushed toward the door he pointed to during his explanation. We all abruptly stopped at his door as Soda and I motioned for Darry to open the door. We were too anxious but scared too do it ourselves. Why we were scared I couldn't tell you. We had been informed good news but I guess if there's even that little chance of the worse occurrence taking over, we fear it's all that will happen. It's an unreasonable way of thinking but a cautious one as well. We just wished for someone to take the lead other than our unwitty self conscious. Darry caught on to our wants as he very carefully and slowly opened the door. We moved around and followed him inside the well lit room.

There before me, was Ponyboy Curtis. He looked smaller than I remembered. His body seemed skinnier than I had saw previously, but then again, he did lose a lot of blood. His skin looked paler than I've seen before and his eyes were gently shut closed. They looked almost purple, to the naked eye one might think he had a black eye, but I knew it was simply an illusion while he peacefully slept. He had three IV drips in one arm and I winced at the sight, I could only imagine the pain he was going through. Two bags held a clear liquid I assumed was medicine while one held a dark red liquid I assumed was blood. My eyes explored their way down to Pony's wrists. They were wrapped in a soft looking white cloth that seemed comfortable but one can only assume. A light blue blanket covered his chest and below, allowing his arms to rest over the cloth and tuck himself into a secured feeling position. Once we surrounded him we all took our unspoken positions. Soda sat in a seat by Pony's bedside as Darry hovered over him and placed a hand on Soda's shoulder. Soda held Pony's hand gently as I sat on Pony's bed below his waist, giving enough room to comfort him. To my surprise someone had broke the silence we so wished for.

"Geez Soda, your hands are almost as cold as Two-Bit's heart." Pony joked as he gently opened his eyes. I laughed at the kid. Leave it to Ponyboy Curtis to crack a joke while in a life or death situation.

"I-I," Soda stammered as he smiled and let go of Pony's hand to placed it back on the bed, words not being able to fly out of his mouth. Instead he was shattered with stutters and joy.

"You're awake kid." I chuckled out, more glad than I've ever been in my life span.

"I guess." He smiles through all the pain I can tell he is in. Once we leave this room I plan on suggesting some more of that numbing medicine.

"Ya know, you scared us half to death." Darry mentioned, although I felt like it was too early to bring up the situation that had just happened, I didn't say anything. The kid was already in the hospital, he didn't need me arguing with his big brother.

"Why? I'm kinda 'fused by all that happened. I can remember bits and pieces, but I honestly can't remember what happened completely." He hesitates to ask, but does eargely. I was a bit upset that he had forgotten what he had done, but it wasn't worth dwelling over. He's already going through so much, he doesn't need my sorrow.

All three of us exchanged looking, trying to silently decide who was going to tell him and if we were going to at all. But, Pony caught on too quickly, curse his intelligent mind.

"It ain't good, is it? Did so-" Before he could finish his sentence he was interupted by himself. During the question he went to scratch his head but found it difficult to move both of his arms due to pain I'm assuming. His big green eyes with a tint of gray examined the cloths that circled his soft skinned arms. He looked at this with so much meaning and understanding that I knew, he had already figured out what happened. He seemed to remember everything at once and have it all hit him like a brick. His ears turned red in embarrassment. Why he was embarrassed was something I didn't have the answer to. Maybe he was embarrassed that he failed at his attempt, or that he had even though about it, or the fact that it happened at all. Either way, he didn't deserve to feel any other emotion beside happiness. He's already been through so much mental and physical pain. But I can't control what he feels, I can influence him to feel a certain emotion, but in the end, it's all up to him, "The wraps around my arms aren't for decoration, are they?" He asked, wanting someone to confirm his doubt, but none of us would.

"No." Soda shook his head, it seemed like he wanted to say more, but for some reason, he held it back.

"Golly guys, I'm sorry." Pony closed his eyes and shook his head shamefully at himself.

"Hey, don't go blaming yourself. We can all do better kiddo." Darry tried to comfort Pony but from Pony's facial expressions, I knew it hadn't worked.

"Sure." Pony said sarcastically, I knew he only said that to let the conversation go. He didn't seem to want to talk about anything at the moment, no matter how happy or sad it was.

"Can you answer a question I think we've all been asking ourselves?" Soda asked, longing for Pony to say yes.

"Sure, why not." Pony agreed, settling in the seat to prepare himself for the possible storm Soda had coming.

"Who's bulling you?" Soda asked. At the hearing of those words my facial expression froze. I didn't want to stick up for James, but I didn't want his acknowledgment of his wrong doings to go undone either. If I mentioned this to all of them now the reactions would vary. Pony would feel more satisfied knowing James felt wrong for what he did, but Darry and Soda would be pissed at me. Thinking that I was sticking up for James and not their kid brother, which wasn't the ordeal at all, but not much can change their mind once it's set. Now, all I could do at this point, was leave the choice of words up to Pony, as much as I'd love to take control, this wasn't my ship to sail.

"He's no one. It was a one time thing." He lied. It wasn't a one time thing. It was a multiple time thing. If I hadn't known this, boy would I believe the kid. Lord knows how he became such a good liar.

"Are you sure?" Darry asked, wanting to doubt his younger brothers answer, but I knew he was having trouble. He had already gone through so much confusion, he just wanted an answer.

"Ya, positive." Pony nodded.

I could have continued the conversation. I could have added on. Confirmed that what Pony said was false, or lie and say it was true. But I didn't. I kept my mouth shut. Something I would soon later my regret.

 **Oooh! Cliff Hanger! I hope you enjoyed, please like and review.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I am genuinely sorry for putting off this story. I completely forgot about it and I'm so sorry. If you want me to be honest with you, I've just lost a close friend to suicide and writing a fanfiction about someone attempting to end their life wasn't really on my list of things to do. So I wrote some more upbeat stories in different topics of different characters, not even The Outsiders. I've decided that writing might actually help a little, and it is. It's like the ending I never got but oh so desired. Please enjoy.**

Chapter 3-Introductions

James's POV:

I simply sat in the cold plastic hospital chair, thoughts racing through my mind. I really did push that kid over the edge, didn't I? I was just so pissed that his friend killed Bob. Bob was one of us, a Soc, and I wasn't gonna stand for someone murdering my kind and getting away with it. I couldn't bully the actual kid, so I went with his best friend.

Bully. Geez. That's what I am. I've become what I hated the most. I hope your proud Mom and Dad, because you've raised a monster in your household.

I would love it if I could go back in time, change what I did. But wishing can do much when it comes to reality. Anyone can dream, I guess it's just a matter of whether or not you're willing to do it when your eyes open. This whole time I've closed my eyes, blinded my heart. It's time that I open my eyes and allow my heart to take over, do what's right.

I was searching for revenge and he was searching for a friend. If only I wasn't too much of an insensitive prick to realize this. I need to make things right, but I don't know how.

As I came up with multiple methods I saw someone walked through the patient hallway doors. He looked familiar... Two-Bit! Boy do I need his advice again, I can't really figure this out myself.

"Two-Bit!" I called, waving at him with a warming smile. He was smiling, but once he saw me, the smile faded into a emotionless expression. What was it? Did I say something? I thought we had cleared everything up? Was...was he dead? Did the kid die? No, impossible. Why would he be smiling a second ago. Before I could answer my own question two other men walked out behind Two-Bit.

One looked tall, buff, he scared me. The other one was a tad bit short, not as buff, but he was handsome. I made quick assumptions and concluded that they are either friends or brothers. I don't have evidence to either answers. Either way, I'm assuming these are the guys Two-Bit said to avoid. In an instant, I knew I made a mistake.

"Whose your friend Two-Bit?" The handsome one joked as all three walked over, Two-Bit looked scared as ever. The handsome one suddenly stopped laughing, "Friend...Steve! God damnit I forgot to call Steve!" He seemed to freak out about whoever the hell this Steve guy was, "I'm gonna go call him, be right back y'all." He jitterly ran to the phone booth outside the waiting room and left Two-Bit and the scary dude with me. I stared back at them, my heart beating faster than a raccoon having a buffet through an old man's trash can.

"Who is your friend Two-Bit?" The scary one asked, confused but intrigued.

"N-No one. I just met him while I was waitin'. That's all, really." He stammered a bit. I doubt he was even convincing himself, I've noticed he's a terrible liar, good thing I can stay chill in these situations. I simply relaxed.

"Why you here kid?" He asked me and I saw no reason to lie.

"Got in a car crash with a few friends, waiting to hear on them." I informed him, showing him the white bandage that wrapped around my side.

"You've gotta be more careful." He warned me, as if he were my Father. Who does he think he honestly is? Did it ever occur to him that I wasn't the one driving! Was he really blaming me? Or was I thinking too far into this...? Is it because I'm a Soc? It's cause I'm a Soc isn't it!

"What do you know about car accidents anyways." I spat back at him, not too harsh because I fear he'd beat me to a pulp.

"More than you know kiddo," He shook his head, leaving me confused I waited for his answer, "My parents died in a car accident a year ago. So next time, careful with your assumptions." He warned me. In an instant I felt like a jerk, I had insulted this guy who lost his parents in a car crash. He must be Pony's older brother. Does that make the handsome one also his brother? Or a friend? I'm so confused and so embarrassed.

"I-I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to- I just- I'm sorry." I let out a deep breath, "I completely forgot that you guys lost your parents back in-" I stopped myself. I had said too much. Good going James. You really screwed this up. Oh God. I really wish this guy wasn't as smart as Pony. I pray that for some reason he doesn't have as good observation skills.

"What are you talking about? It's not like anyone told-" He stopped and looked over to Two-Bit, he put two and two together, I prepared myself for the shit storm Two-Bit was gonna endure, "Why the hell did you tell him?!?!" He yelled at Two-Bit.

"We-We were bonding!" He argued.

"Over my parents death! What the hell kind of bonding is that?" He yelled back.

"How was I supposed to know we were talking about the same kid!" Two-Bit yelled, giving too much information, but none of us caught it.

"Why the hell would be talking about my kid brother!?" The older brother yelled back.

"Because he felt bad! He had some sympathy! He actually realized what he did was wrong and that he shouldn't have done it! Some things people in his own family can't realize from their own actions!" Two-Bit yelled, I'm assuming something happened at home that I just didn't catch on to. Eh, that wasn't my business. But by the looks of the older brother, I could tell it was about to be.

"Are you really blaming this on me? That kid, that monster," He pointed to me as I hung my head in shame, wanting to avoid his eyes, "Drove my kid brother, the kid I love so much! To suicide! Kill himself! And you want to forget it?!?" He yelled louder at Two-Bit.

"I don't wanna forget it man! I want you to realize that this kid realized what he did was wrong! Are you gonna be pissed at him for wanting to change things!?!" Two-Bit yelled back fiercely.

"It's too late for things to change." He said calmly, but with a upsetting tone. In an instant he was facing me, I gulped a lump down my throat and waited for him to yell at me right then and there.

"You," he pointed at me, "You can go die in a hole for all I care. I hope you're happy for what you've done. Cause I'm sure not." He poked me in me in the chest and walked out of the room.

As the older brother left the room the other one walked in. Sliding past his brother he looked confused and looked at Two-Bit for an answer. Two-Bit tried to hide his mouth, but failed misterably.

'I'll tell you later.' He mouthed out. The brother nodded and walked over to me.

"I never caught your name kid." He shook out his hand to me. I took it gladly and shook it.

"James. James Smith." I nodded with a smile.

"Sodapop Curtis, but you can call me Soda." He informed me with a smile. He is definitely Pony's brother, "Who you waiting for?" He asked warmly.

"Couple friends. Got in an accident." I confessed, hoping for a better response than his older brothers.

"Hmm, that sucks. Hope everything turns out fine." He said kindly and all my worries dispersed.

"Who you waiting for?" I said, wanting to make it seem like I had no idea, it would only make sense to ask that question. But I knew, I had taken the wrong approach, Soda's smile faded away.

"Uh, waiting for my kid brother. He uh, got a few cuts, I guess." And I knew he was lying to me. But now I knew, the kid slit his wrists. Interesting way to go, I figured he'd overdose himself. Others always told me he'd take so many asprin before a track run. Guess there are things we don't really know about people.

"Stitches I assume?" Soda nodded with a smile, he really was a comforting guy, "Well, tell him I wish him the best man." I smiled back.

"I plan on it." He smiled at me and then turned to Two-Bit, "Come on. Let's go buddy." He nudged him as the two left.

I sat back down in the plastic chair, finally relaxing after a mentally stressful encounter. I want to make things right again. I truly do. Don't I? I've heard people say that one's past does not define them. But I've also heard people say that once a bully always a bully. Which one do I believe? It can't be both now can it? Do I accept my unwritten fate or do I write my own destiny and fix this? Do I really have to make a choice right now? I need to help. Advice. But who else would understand? No one would understand. Expect the other person in the situation...

I need to see him. Will they allow me to visit him? They allowed Two-Bit and Two-Bit's not family. But will I be back in time to get the news on my friends? Which one do I want to risk?

I can't risk my friends. They'll be too worried about me. I can see Pony another day, I can only catch up with my friend's health statuses one time, and that time is now.

"Mrs. Bollo and Mr. Harley?" I looked up to find a kind looking Nurse.

Her hair was fixed into a neat and very tight bun. Small strands on her cherry blossomed hair color stuck out on the sides. Her eyes were like an ocean of blue that you just desired to swim in but feared drowning in as well. Her face was soft and fragile. But her slim body was covered with a long white coat and her hands held out a clip board.

"Uh, yes? I'm here for them?" I awkwardly sat up and rushed over for the news.

"Mrs. Bollo was lucky to have only gotten moderate whiplash. She may experience frequent occurances of dizziness, muscle spasms, and trouble sleeping. But after no longer than a week of ice and pain killers she should be fine. We will be releasing her in a few minutes. As for Mr. Harley, he has seemed to shake up his frontal lobe. No internal bleeding or break, but definitely a mess up. So, he will be experiencing one, multiple, or none of these options. Memory loss, loss in functions, as well as expression confusion. We will have him stay the night for supervision but he should be out by tomorrow." She smiled a warm smile to me as I sighed out in relief.

"Thank you so much." I thanked her with a smile. She nodded at my appreciation as walked off to places unknown.

Not long after the Nurse left, Rachel walked out. A thick but soft wrap was placed around her neck and a few bruises roamed the parts of her neck that was exposed. When she saw me she smile a smile that look relieved. I was relieved to see that she was Ok, but still stuck on the whole case with Pony. But I need to let it slide for now if I don't want her suspecting anything. I'm not of importance right now, she is.

"James!" She exclaimed and hugged me.

"Hey Rach." I smiled and we soon broke off the hug, "They told me. Whiplash, huh?" I tilted my head and frowned. She nodded painfully.

"It could'a been worse." She shrugged it off. She always was so optimistic.

"I guess you're right." I nodded back.

"You?" She asked concerned.

"Just a few broken ribs. Nothing I can't sleep off." I showed her the clean wrap around my stomach. I seem to be showing that off to everyone now'a days.

"James..." She looked deep into my eyes. Damnit! I can't get anything past Rachel...can I? "What's wrong?"

I sighed out and looked down at the floor in shame, there was no point in keeping this from her.

"Ponyboy Curtis attempted suicide..." I blankly muttered out. I heard Rachel gasp out loudly.

"What? Why?" She almost stuttered out. There was no point in lying now. The truth would soon come out.

"I...I bullied him..." I felt even more ashamed that I was saying it out loud. Despite this I still looked up into her eyes.

Her expression quickly changed as she slapped me harshly across the face. A quick pain stuck and stung through my fragile skin as I quickly touched it. It sent a burning sensation to my hand as my head stayed in place from the harsh movement. I slowly and reluctantly moved to face her again, pushing off the pain. Rachel slapped me. She just slapped me.

Before I talk to her she stormed out of the room crying. Why was this hurting her?

Oh...I'm so stupid. I love Rachel. Rachel loves me. I thought we had something. I was just too scared to say anything. I doubt she'll want anything to do with me after knowing I drove a kid to suicide. The person she thought she loved is a silent murdered with his words. Other people shoot off someone brains with a gun. I cause kids to slit there wrist and end their precious lives with the single shot of my harsh words.

I don't think I'll be getting Rachel back. I've ruined too much and crushes too many. I could try to get her back? Bui doubt she'll forget this moment. No one would...

 **I aplogize if you find this chapter short, just know I did enjoy writing it. Please Review.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey! I want to thank FrankElza, Guest, Guest, Guest, morgancalhoun72, Guest, outsiders-stories-forever, Tg1210, Guest, arlena.ferrell, Tyrannosaurus Ross, decadenceofmysoul, and SugarGirl02. I love all the reviews!**

Chapter 4-Taking Him Home

Steve's POV:

"The kid out yet?" I asked Soda as we drove in the back of Darry's truck.

"For the fifth damn time Steve, we're going to pick him up." Soda rolled his eyes.

"Oh ya." I chuckled a bit. I haven't been the brightest on this whole situation with Pony.

I've know him for a while, I've just never been all that close to him. I mean, after Johnny and Dally died, I stopped bothering the kid. I wasn't completely nice to him, I didn't pat his back and give him reassuring words, I simply stopped bothering him. I didn't nag him for every little thing he did, and I didn't mind it when he came with Soda and us. But one day he just stopped. He stopped coming with us. Soda would offer, hell, sometimes I'd even offer. But the kid would simply shake his head no. I wanted to say something to him. I wanted to yell, 'Get your ass up and come with us!' But I knew that wouldn't go over well. I was mad at Pony. He was starting to worry Soda, and a worried Soda meant a no fun Soda. And no one likes a no fun Soda. I was just wanted the old Soda back. So I got mad at Pony. I went back to bothering him. I knew I shouldn't have, but I didn't say anything too far. I knew where my boundaries lay, and I knew when I crossed them. Luckily I never crossed that line, but that didn't mean I never had to aplogize. There were countless occasions where I should have said two simple words. 'I'm sorry.' But I was too much of a ass to do that either. I want to believe that I wasn't the reason Ponyboy tried to kill himself, and maybe I'm right? But I know I played some aspect. All he wanted was a friend. If only I'd be more kinder to him. Made him realize that he's not alone. They maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't have done what he did. But I can't change nothing. I'm gonna have to live with what I'd did and what I didn't do.

Soon enough we reached the hospital. It was early in the morning, so not a lot of people were there. So we got a fairly good parking spot. We only had to walk around a hundred feet. It may seem like a lot, but for a Hospital, that's a miracle.

Miracle. What is that necessarily? Is it the working of God? Or the Devil? Odd question I just asked. But, wouldn't it make sense? If there is a God, does he produce these miracles in order for us to see it as a sign? A sign that he exists and that we should believe in him. But then again, some miracle have side effects. Things that wouldn't happen if there wasn't a miracle in the first place. Which makes me think. If there's a Devil, does he do this? Does he sometimes give us this little taste of love and hope, only to show us there's more behind that trapped door no one dares open? Does he do it in order to distract us from all he's secretly doing behind our backs? Does he do it to make us think that all in the world truly is good and that God doesn't even exist? Could he be trying to defy us from believing in God? Whatever a miracle is, and whoever produces is, I'm sure as hell glad they gave it to Ponyboy. Now, all I have to do is find what behind the closed door.

After walking into the hospital that same smell rushed over me. The smell that indicates hope, with a hint of suffering. It's an odd combination. One you wanna ignore, but can't help noticing both sides.

We walked up to the front desk. There was an older man sitting there. He looked on his mid twenties. He must be smart to be working at a hospital at his age. But I wasn't worried about him, I was worried about the kid.

"Uh, we're here to pick up Ponyboy Curtis." Darry mentioned to the man.

"Of course." The man smiled and typed a few things on the computer in front of him, "Hallway B, room 27 on the left. A nurse is with him right now, just checking his vitals and stuff. They should have another Doctor in there to explain everything." He smiled a forced smile. But, it was his job, so I can't complain.

"Thanks." Darry nodded back a genuine smile.

We followed Darry down the hallway. A large "B" in blue print lied above it before we entered. I noticed a pattern with the doors. Odds were on the left, evens were on the right. Funny how hospital's work. But, it's not like I run one, so I can't judge.

It took us a little while to reach his door. It was second to last on the left side. But that didn't stop us from hurrying over there. This time there was no hesitation. Soda opened the door as we rushed inside.

The kid was sitting on the edge of his bed. He was wearing some of his clothes. Darry had brought some yesterday, or so I'm told. He didn't look pale, or skinny, or broken down like Two-Bit described him. I wish Two-Bit could be here. He seemed to connect with the kid. But he has to babysit his younger sister.

He looked healthy. I could tell the smile on his face was fake, but I knew he wasn't dying. He looked perfectly fine to me. But I'm not completely sure, I thought he was fine before. And we know where that assumption got him.

A nurse was taking his blood pressure, the faint colored cuff hugged tightly around his arm. She was writing things on her clipboard that I knew I wouldn't understand even if I tried. But, behind her stood another Doctor. He must be the one we need to talk to.

"Ah, you must be Darrel and Sodapop Curtis!" He looked at the brothers brightly and stuck out his hand, "I'm Doctor Greyhouse." He introduced himself and firmly shook hands with the two brotbers, "I would like to talk about Ponyboy's current state."

Soda and Darry nodded in agreement. I followed them as we walked a few feet away from Pony. I don't know why, isn't not like he still won't be able to hear us, but whatever.

"He should have feeling back in his wrists and hands, but he might be weak with lifting or gripping on to things for a couple days. Which is completely normal. We insist that you get him a therapist within the week, and if you don't we will ASSIGN him one. We have prescribed him medicine for the pain and medicine for the depression. You can pick that up at the pharmacy. We could have called Child Protection Services if we liked to, but I have a feeling none of you knew what was going on with him. You truly seem to care about him. So, we'll let this one slide. But, if we find him in the hospital again within the month, they will be called. Do I make myself clear?" His tone was harsh but kind.

"Yes Sir." Darry nodded in understandment.

We fixed our attention back on Ponyboy. He was finally able to leave. Finally able to disperse from this crappy hell hole. Finally! I don't know the kids mind, but I do know he ain't fond of Hospital's. Nobody really is. At least no one I know.

"Alrighty kiddo. Let's get going." Darry smiled and harshly stuffed his hands into his pockets.

Pony only nodded with his fake smile and followed us. As we walked out of the room, out of the hallways, out of the Hospital, I couldn't help but think. Would we have to go back? Would the medicine work? Would the therapy work? Would anything ever go back to normal? Ever again.

I wish I had the answer, or some evidence to conclude an answer. But I ain't that smart. I only go to school around half the day, I'm always working. Sometimes I feel like I'm the dumbest in the group. And I probably am. But I feel kinda left out. Not physically, I'm always apart of stuff. But I feel like I'll never be as good as the others. They achieve so much. Darry had a scholarship! He was great in school. Even if he did turn it down, he has proof that he is smart. Soda's smart too. He may have flunked classes, but he knows everything about everyone. He knows when you're sad. Upset. Angry. Embarrassed. And he knows just how to handle it. Two-Bit still goes to school, and he actually likes it! He likes learning! I don't need to explain Ponyboy. Everyone's favorite genuis. But what am I? I'm good with cars. Great. Where's that gonna get me? I don't do well in school. Sometimes I wanna ask Pony for help, but I can't. That would make me look bad. People would make fun of me. Fixing cars can only get you so far. I guess everyone in the group has a 'label' And I just need to learn to live with mine.

I decided to sit in the back with the kid. I wanted to keep an eye on him. I knew his brothers did too, but you can always use another point of view I guess.

I wanted to start conversation with him. But I really didn't know what to say. There wasn't much I could say. 'Hey, so how are you? Since you're not dead.' 'So, how did slitting your wrists feel?' 'I was wondering, if you plan on doing it again, would you try a different approach?' No! I can't just talk to the kid. All the things I wanna say are either a total douchebag thing to say, or too soon. So I kept quiet. It was best for everyone. Trust me.

It didn't seem like Pony wanted to start conversation either. He simply looked out the window. He didn't say anything. But his fake smile finally faded away. I don't know what interest he found it watching the window. Or the random places and nature rushing past our view before our eyes. I didn't see it. His mind is like a box. It's locked shut. And he only allows certain people to have the key. But, even if you have the key, sometimes you don't understand what's in the box. What's in his mind. I want to understand. Hell, I want a lot of things. So why don't I got for them? Work hard to get where I want?

Because I'm scared. I'm scared of what people will think. I'm scared of what I'll think of myself. I guess fear shadows are over my wants. Stupid, ain't it? Makes me seem like a child. I guess I still am. I just haven't grown out of that stage yet. Let's just hope I do soon.

 **End of Chapter 4! I will be ending this series soon! I hope you enjoyed this Chapter! Please Review!**


	5. Update

**Hey guys! Sorry, but this isn't a normal update. :( Sorry. I just** **thought I'd** **inform everyone about something. As I'm writing this I am loading my car with all sorts of supplies and clothes. I am currently going on a trip to Canada (note that I'm going _to_ Canada, I do not live in Canada) and I'll be offline for a week. Which means I won't update at all within the week, I am very sorry for the inconvenience. I should have thought this through, but I promise once I get back I will update immediately. See you soon!**


	6. Chapter 5

**Hey Y'all! I'm back from my trip! I won't bore you with the details and I'll just let this Chapter get started! I hope you like it!**

Chapter 5 - Making Things Right

Ponyboy's POV:

Today is my first day back at school since my...attempt. I guess. I'd call it more of a reason I'm a failure. I wouldn't say I screw everything up, I just seem to make quite a few mistakes that seem to do far more harm than good. Instead of making a bunch of small mistakes, I'm making a few big ones. I want to make things right, get better, but at the same time I don't want to bother trying. It's a mixed bowel of emotions that I'm trying to separate but with ever attempt they seem to only get closer together. I can try, and try, and try all I want. But it seems that whatever I do it only gets worse. So, maybe, if I stop trying, I'll get where I want to be. I tried that, I tried to stop trying. Funny way of putting it. I was trying too hard, so I decided to stop trying. But then I tried too hard to stop trying. So, I'm just going to play this life thing out and see where it goes. Stop doubting all my decisions and act before thinking. Let's see where that gets me.

I mentally limped to my locker. I didn't want to be here in all honesty, but at the same time I loved learning too much that I couldn't bare staying away. If you can catch my drift, which you probably can't. Heh.

I was about to unlock my locker when I felt a rough hand grip on my shoulder. The feeling was all too familiar to me. I mentally cursed and wished my attempt had succeeded. I knew who was behind me and I didn't want to deal with their crap. Not today, not ever.

But I didn't bother hesitating, I turned around and can face to face with an old enemy. James. I wondered if he knew what happened to me? Did anyone at school know? Would anyone care? I'm not sure I want to find out...

"What do you want James?" I said, a bit harshed than intended.

"Listen Curtis, we need to talk." He whispered in a tone I've never heard him use before. It suprised me.

"Why? So you can just push me off my edge again?" I growled at him.

"Yeah, about that. That's what we need to talk about..." He rubbed the back of his neck. Something was up. Where was his Goonies?

"Give me one good reason to trust you James?" I argued, crossing my arms.

"Because, I've been in your place before..." He whispered even quieter than before, I could barely hear him. A shocked expression painted onto my face as I considered allowing him to talk to me, "Just, please. Come on, I don't have much time before the guys get here." He was referring to those two guys that's stick with him.

"Fine. But make it quick." I rolled my eyes.

"Thanks man." He gripped onto my wrist and dragged me away from my locker. The sudden grip on my wrist caused me to yelp in pain. I still had the bandages on, just in case. He understood what he had done and looked at my apologetically. He nodded and grabbed my hand instead, his grip was soft and gentle. It almost scared me.

He pulled into a boys bathroom that had a sign on it that said, "UNDER CONSTRUCTION" A perfect place to talk privetly, I guess. But I still followed him and we stumbled into the room. We stopped Midway through the small confined room. He let go on my hand and turned around to look at me, an emotion burned in his eyes that I've never seen before. Mirror where on our left and empty stall on our right. It wasn't he most pleasant place, but it beat having a crowd.

"What is it?" I was still a bit grumpy.

"I, uh, I wanted to aplogize." He lowered his head in embarrassment.

"What?" I scoffed, "Are you doing this on a dare?"

"No, no no no. I mean it." He finally looked at me.

"James, look at this!" I held up my wrists to him, "Sorry can't fix anything. If you break a glass plate, will 'sorry' put it back together? Nope! I can mend myself back together, tape up all the broken parts and glue together the torn pieces. But in the end, I'll still have these scars. I'll still have the memories. And nothing you say or do will change that!" I was growing angry.

"I know! Don't you think I know that?" He pulled out his left arm and rolled up his sleeve. Faint, tiny, scars of cuts flowed down his arm but, right below his wrist, was a deep scar that seemed older than the other scars. It's color was different from the others and singled itself out.

After I got a look at his scars and let what they meant settle in, he roughly pulled his sleeve back down. I never questioned why James wore long sleeves, I thought it was just his style. Like how Johnny used to always wear that jean jacket, or I wear my purple light jacket, or how Soda always wear flannel.

"I-I..." I stuttered, not knowing what to say.

"Save the pity speech, I don't want it. Point is, I understand. I was just...pissed. I was upset for what happened to me so I took it out on you. It doesn't make what I did right, but I can't change it. Listen man, I'm sorry, alright?" He seemed a tad bit less embarrassed now that he had opened up to me.

"Ya, it's fine. Just...don't do it again. Please? To anyone, not just me." I pleaded with him.

"Trust me, I won't be." He scoffed out, "So, we good?"

"Ya, I guess we are." I smiled as he smiled back.

"What are you doing in here with this loser?" I turned around and found myself faced with not only the last people I wanted to see, but the last people James wanted to see as well.

"Caleb, Samuel, out. Now." James gritted through his teeth.

"Why not? We wanna see you give this little rat hell." One of them laughed out, I still had no idea who they were.

"Out." James ordered once more.

"You know James, I'm starting to think you're getting soft for this mistake here." One of them walked closer to James, past me.

"Fuck off Caleb." James was getting upset, but not like I had. More or so, 'I'm going to rip your throat out' upset than 'I want to die' mad.

"Or what?" Caleb shot back. This answer seemed to please James because he smiled.

"Or I'll tell the whole school about you know what." He whispered into Caleb's ear.

Caleb grew mad at James and pushed him back. James slammed into the wall, unphased by the whole ordeal he leaned against the wall, in the same position, smiling. He knew he'd pushed buttons on Caleb that weren't supposed to be pushed and now he had him in a headlock of blackmail and fear.

That was when it hit me. He was doing what he did to me, to this Caleb kid. I may hate Caleb for still acting like a complete asshole all the time, and trust me, I really wanted him to get what was coming to him. But James made a promise. Even if I hate it, that promise included everyone. I wanted to let James get the best of Caleb, but I knew that would be fair. Hypocritical if even. I knew what I had to do next.

"Stop it." James and Caleb both looked at me, confused at to who I was pointing my order to, "Both of you."

"I was trying to help you!"

"He was being an ass!"

They both argued with me. But I wasn't going to allow it.

"I don't give a rats ass about your excuses. Nothing gives either of you the right to act like douchebags." I tried to not yell.

"But-"

"Don't bother Caleb. I'm not doing this to help you, I'm doing it because I made a promise, and so did you James." I narrowed my eyes at him and he lowered his head in shame.

"Does the idiot have you on a leash?" Caleb teased.

"Shut it Caleb." I growled at him, my sudden outburst scared him, "Listen, I could care less if you guys go back to being friends. What I do care about, it wether or not y'all are alive. Got me?"

"Whatever."

"Sure."

I moved my head behind me and looked at Samuel. He was watching me scold the two peers with pleasure on his face. But all of his emotions washed away when I looked at him.

"What?" He looked back, as if there were someone behind him.

"That means you too." I knew he understood me, he was just playing stupid.

"Yeah fine." He rolled his eyes.

"So, what now?" James spoke out.

"How about we leave this damn bathroom and head to class before we're late." I suggested.

Everyone nodded in agreement, I knew Caleb and Samuel really wanted to skip or argue with me, but something held them back. I can read people fairly well, but I didn't quite comprehend what kept them back. At this point, it didn't matter, all that did matter was that I now knew. I knew everyone wasn't going to be normal again, nothing was going to be like it was before. But, I'm not sure I wanted things to be like they were before. Before I was hurt, broken, gone. Too far gone. Now I get a new start, I new way of living 'normal' and I plan on taking every damn advantage I get. I may still have the scars, but they will stay a mere reminded. A reminder than I am a soldier. I have fought battles and some I've lost, but I will never stop fighting. I will stay strong. I'm not weak, I merely tired. Confused if even. Sometimes you need a break from war, and if that means getting wounded so be it. But I will never give up, never again. Not in a long time, not ever. I guess I was blinded before. Blinded by all that had happened and all I could do. But I've opened my eyes, and my heart, just as I should have done before. I'm ready to win this war. Even if it means having backup, hey, you can't win a war with just one man, can you?

 **Thus being the ending! I hope y'all liked it!**


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